Imbecilic Encounters
by Suga Kainne
Summary: Drabble Series! In which Tsukishima finds himself in strange circumstances with different members of different volleyball teams and subsequently wondering about their sanity. Will be in a semi-sequential order!
1. Chapter 1: Simple-Minded

**Hello! This is a Tsukishima Drabble series! I hope that you all enjoy these drabbles! The first one is a Tsu x Tsu (because that is such a cute name and Tsutomu is such a little cutie I can't help but adore him) named Simple Minded!  
**

* * *

Tsutomu could feel his happiness levels rising exponentially as he found his absolute favorite snack in the vending machines. "YESSSSS! BEST. DAY. EVER!" He exploded, grinning like a loon, even though his team had literally just lost. Tsutomu wasn't really going to let it get him down, overall it had been a close game and he was still finding himself anyway. And honestly, while both teams had made mistakes to learn from, that was the point of losing. Tsutomu just resolved to win next year and work hard until then.

"If you get any louder, you're going to shatter the ear drums and minds of everyone in the vicinity with your simple-mindedness." Tsutomu turned to see none other than the blonde middle blocker from Karasuno standing behind him, hand freshly wrapped from the infirmary.

Tsutomu waited a beat to sort himself out of his shock, blinking to find his center and calm himself down, then he pointed and his center was lost again. "You!"  
Tsukishima pointed to himself, "Me?" Raising a brow in what was sure to be a mocking of the spiker but it flew right of Goshiki's head (as much subtle humor did... and just about anything subtle did).

"We should practice together! Your blocks against my straights!" Tsukishima was floored. For the life of him he had no idea why all these spikers wanted to practice with him. Hinata was a much better choice in his opinion.

"Why?"

Tsutomu gained a fire in his eyes, "YES! YOU MANAGED TO PISS OF USHIJIMA! YOU'RE SERIOUSLY GOOD AND I REALLY _REALLY_ _ **REALLY**_ WANT TO IMPROVE WITH YOU!" The fire grew to an inferno and it was frankly uncomfortable for Tsukishima to be around.

"No." The fire was doused immediately and Tsutomu looked confused.

" _Why_?!"

Tsukishima scratched his head, "I already have team practices and on top of that I am in advanced classes, I have individual practices and team reviews, I tutor the two dumbasses, and we just beat your team. Not to mention I don't want to spend more of my time around another person as dim-witted as the freaky duo."

Tsutomu grinned, "I'm not taking no for an answer... Tsukijima."

"At least get my name right, idiot. Tsukishima, shima not jima. Tsukishima."

"Right, anyway, Tsukijima ("For god's sake, just call me Kei, you moron."), you should exchange numbers with me!" This was ended with an oblivious finger in Tsukishima's chest

"Ugh... fine." Tsukishima snatched Tsutomu's phone away from him and put in his number, saved as Kei Tsukki (because the idiot would never remember his full name, he made allowances for imbeciles).

When he got his own phone back (along with a selfy taken for the icon, and a cheesy k-pop ringtone, Fire or something), the name saved as just Tsutomu.

"Tsutomu, we're leaving!" It was Satori, who blanked upon seeing the current bane of his existence (read: mild pain in the ass) that is Tsukishima.

"See you this weekend, Kei!" Tsutomu yelled, running away.

Tsukishima glared, "I never agreed on that." Before he turned and walked away.

Tsutomu rushed to get on the bus with his phone and his snacks in his hands and smiling the whole way. Sparkles literally poking Tendou in the eyes and just generally making the walk to the bus and uncomfortable experience for him.

"Sumimasen! I got held up at the vending machines!" He explained, and the group only looked entirely unimpressed.

Satori would have his revenge though, "He was getting that Middle Blocker from Karasuno's number" He wiggled is tiny red eyebrows and Tsutomu blushed bright red.

The rest of the team just stared blankly, "He's a really good Middle Blocker and he does read blocking and he's super good so I thought we could practice together or something because, I mean, we lost and everything. He even pissed of Ushijima-san and that's a huge feat and I thought that it would be areallygoodideaandI'mreallysorryifIoffendedanybody **PLEASEFORGIVE ME**!" It was ended with a ninety-degree bow and the rest of the team laughing at him.

"Please, Tsutomu, we got invited to a training camp with them, Aoba Johsai, and Nekoma in a few days. Their advisor/coach asked for us to join in an extension of goodwill and we couldn't not accept." Shirabu explained, "You were busy flirting with that annoying 'Normal Guy'."  
Tsutomu had absolutely no time to turn a wonderful shade of merlot because his phone vibrated,

 _From: Kei Tsukki_  
 _To: Tsuto-moron_  
 _Thank you for causing my team to become umbearable, imbecile. -(￢_ __￢_ _;)_

 _To: Kei Tsukki_  
 _From: Tsuto-moron_  
 _My team said we can practice at the training camp! \\(_ _ω_ _)/_

Tsukishima felt nothing but dread.


	2. Chapter 2: Trust Me

**I have this head canon where Tsutomu is totally into K-pop and is super annoying about it sometimes. But it's okay, because Eita is into it too, so they bond over it and stuff. I imagine Ushijima literally listens to everything except metal, whereas that's Satori's JAM! I do not own any Haikyu characters nor make any profit off of this story.**

 **This one is a Waka x Tsukki drabble named: Trust Me (a Yuya Matsushita song lmao)**

* * *

Shiratorizawa had lost and Ushijima Wakatoshi had returned from the Miyagi Prefecture Finals more than a little disappointed. However, his college entrance exams were coming up and he had been offered a pretty good Volleyball Scholarship at Tokyo University, it was relieving to have more things to focus on now that he was about to retire from the Volleyball Club. In the midst of the normal daily grind and getting ready for Karasuno's training camp coming up soon (a good way to let off some steam before the exams), he decided to forgo his usual way in favor of a different jogging route.

His route had been changed ever since he had the unpleasant experience of running into Hinata Shouyo, partly because Goshiki ran along his usual route. Goshiki, who had managed to get "Tsukki"'s number at the Finals and hadn't shut up about him ever since. They went to the arcade the weekend after and all Ushijima remembered was Goshiki coming back and sparkling all over the place and playing sappy K-pop songs with Eita. Last he heard, Goshiki was excited to play against him again and was spouting off the greatness of Kei. Not to mention he did not fancy running into Hinata before the training camp, the thought was as cringe-worthy as the thought of dealing with Tsutomu when a new comeback was announced. In other words: simply No. Lost in thoughts of how to avoid the excitably simple-minded first year, he turned a corner and his face promptly found itself in buried short, soft platinum hair

He paused.

"Are you going to move?" An irritated voice asked, and Ushijima looked down to see golden eyes glaring at him from behind thick rimmed glasses. Tsukishima Kei, Middle blocker for Karasuno looked back at him with completely unconcealed irritation and disregard. It was... annoying.

"Gomen." The first year scoffed at the plaintative apology.

"Whatever," A hand found its way onto Ushijima's chest and pushed him backwards. "If you don't mind, I'd rather be anywhere else-"

"You're the Middle Blocker from our match, correct?" Tsukishima could feel his eye twitch, he studiously ignored it. "I'm sorry about your hand."

Tsukishima's meter was getting dangerously full. Not only did Tsutomu text him _every_ hour, but now he had to deal with this. This absolute sham of a normal volleyball team high school life whatever-the-fuck he was trying to currently live.

"It healed."

Ushijima nodded, "You're an adept Middle Blocker."

Tsukishima could feel his brain cells committing suicide as they spoke, "Thanks... Can I go now? I have more important things to do than have a dangerously dumb conversation with you." It was an unpleasant experience.

Ushijima blinked a little, and Tsukishima huffed before taking a few large paces backwords. Ushijima couldn't help but be intrigued by what Goshiki saw in this irritable crow. "Can we exchange numbers?"

Tsukishima glared a little, "Can I stop having this conversation afterwards?" He handed the taller male his phone and put in his information exactly like he did for Tsutomu's phone.

He was waiting for his phone to be returned to him, when, "You listen to Yuya Matsushita?"

Kei could feel his face burning as ferociously as he wished Ushijima would burn, in Hell, for the amount of embarrassment the taller male forced upon him. "Can I have my phone back?"

"You're surprisingly cute." His phone was handed back and he looked an almost mugshot profile of Ushijima saved under a contact that just read Wakatoshi. The ringtone set to 'Trust Me' by Yuya Matsushita. "I'm also a fan of his songs. I like it more than the kpop Goshiki makes us all listen to."

Tsukishima crossed his arms, "I'm more into Flow and Asian Kung Fu Generation." He walked passed the taller male, itching to get to school so he could just _not deal_ with all of this anymore.

Ushijima nodded, "Goodbye... Kei." Tsukishima cringed at his first name being used so casually before he heard feet pounding against the pavement as the third year resumed his jogging.

* * *

It was later that day, when Tsukishima was finishing with practice and preparing to go home when his phone rang.

 _From: Wakatoshi_  
 _To: Tsukki Kei_  
 _Are you going to be at the Training Camp?_

 _From: Tsukki Kei_  
 _To: Wakatoshi_  
 _Are you stupid? It's hosted by my team._ (￢ ￢)

"Tsukki?" It was Sugawara, "Is that... Yuya Matsushita?"

Tsukishima glared, "No."

"Bu-"

"I said _NO."_


	3. Chapter 3: Moodswings

**I have no set schedule when it comes to uploading these drabbles, I just write as it comes to me and then upload them. I do all the editing myself and I try to make them as cohesive as possible. This one is a Toru x Tsukki because Oikawa is such a charming creeper sometimes. I hope that you enjoy~**

* * *

When the Training Camp finally rolled around about a week later, Tsukishima found himself becoming immune to Tsutomu. Mostly because the player had once shown up at his house to walk him to school and had then sprinted to his own. Ushijima (who insisted he be called Wakatoshi) had pretty much taken up residence in his house on the weekend following, and Tsukishima had had to deal with the man following him everywhere.

After such an exhausting weekend, Tsukishima had been relegated to welcoming duty with the rest of the first years while the older members set up rooms and cleaned the gyms. Unsurprisingly, the first team to arrive was Aoba Johsai, and that made Tsukishima rather uncomfortable. Not because he feared them, but he was still average at receiving and Oikawa had made it his entire life's mission to forcefully improve that averageness, during matches... with that serve of his. It made Tsukishima irritated and an unhappy Tsukki meant the team's lives were hell.

Tsukishima didn't like how creepy Oikawa was anyways, something about his intensity and the way he smiled at Hinata made Tsukishima's Pedo-dar go off like no other. It sent such a cringe down his spine he went out of his way to avoid the older male whenever he could.

So when Toru Oikawa stepped off of the bus, Tsukishima made sure he had his headphones on and loud enough to block out the particular brand of bullshit that floated around Oikawa and Kageyama like a bad stench floated around rotten meat. A tapping on his shoulder turned him to see the man himself smiling. Tsukishima turned his music up louder.

Ah... the pure bliss of not being able to hear anything, Tsukishima could feel his mood lifting slightly, _ever-so-slightly_. The sun was shining, but the breeze kept it from being too hot, the birds were chirping, not that he could hear them. It might be a nice day... And then his headphones were plucked off of his head, and his mood plummeted to dangerous levels upon peering into the face of Oikawa. Oikawa, who had his headphones in his hands and a shit-eating grin firmly in place on his creepy face.

"Oho~ So you can hear me now, Glasses?" Tsukishima was struck with the possibility of decking the setter in the face. He settled for turning the music off and pulling his headphones from the brunette's hand.

"Oh, look." He remained utterly dispassionate, "It's the senpai who lost to his kouhai... what a _shame_." He proceeded to smile a _very_ smug smile. Yes, he was looking down on someone two years older than him. No, he didn't care. Yes, he got off on it.

"You're... interesting." It was that smile again, Tsukishima proceeded to abruptly turn around and walk away. He couldn't do this today. He really couldn't.

"And _you're_ creepy, whatever it is running through that pedophilic brain of yours, please refrain from involving me." He called, walking into the school to go relieve himself of the burden of Aoba Johsai, he'd rather deal with Ushijima than look Oikawa in the face any longer.

Oikawa watched the retreating back of the Middle Blocker and looked at Iwaizumi. "Is he always so salty?"

Hinata nodded, "You made him really irritated, Daio-sama!"

Kageyama huffed next to the ginger, "He's always irritated, he probably woke up in a bad mood or something." Yamaguchi laughed lightly, but didn't bother telling the duo that messing with Tsukishima while he was listening to music was never a good idea, but then again, they would forget anyway.

And Oikawa would remember, and Yamaguchi wasn't really all that sure if that was a good or a bad thing.

* * *

It was long after Nekoma and Shiratorizawa had arrived that Oikawa decided to torment the middle blocker once more. They had gathered in the gyms to talk for a while and catch up before deciding on the game rotation. He was currently fending off Kuuro and Haiba when Oikawa tried to approach.

Tried being the key word here because he had been only seven measly feet away, and he had turned, only to be met with the face of Sawamura Daichi. "What are you doing, Oikawa?" He asked, it might have been polite if Nishinoya, Tanaka, and Tora weren't circling behind him with the faces of demons. Extremely ugly, entirely off-putting demons. Even the aura surrounding them made him want to hurl himself off of a skyscraper.

It was incredibly disgusting how he was left with no will to try and break through the defenses, he had thought he was stronger than this. "Off to see your Middle Blocker." He stated, smiling in what Oikawa was sure was a pleasant manner, it had certainly looked that way in the mirror when he had last looked.

"There in lies the problem... _No_ ," Daichi smiled, but it wasn't really a smile with the three circling behind him. "We just got his mood back to normal." His eyes shadowed and Oikawa was left to wonder if everyone in Karasuno was such a cockblock about the Middle Blocker.

When he did finally chase Tsukki down, he was jabbed rather harshly in his side and left to die a slow, painful death in the hallway.


	4. Chapter 4: Boom Boom

**I've had heists in my head ever since Boom Boom came out (GO LISTEN TO IT I ABSOLUTELY LOVE IT! It's probably one of the best kpop songs I've ever heard and it's by Seventeen so they did everything damn near themselves and that makes me so fucking happy!"**

 **On another note, I'm terribly sorry it took me so long to upload another drabble. I got hooked on this idea and then tried to find a way to execute it without turning into an entirely new story. I hope you enjoy some more TsuTsu~ The next will be UshiTsuki and then LevTsuki. Please anticipate~**

* * *

Daichi looked around at the group of twelve other people crowded around a dinner table with papers of maps and safe details covering most of the surface. "So do we have an agreement gentlemen?" And it was at that moment that he knew: he fucked up.

* * *

It was the day of the heist and Kei was paired with Tsutomu of all people ("Why?" "Shut the fuck up about it, Tsutomu is practically a bomb ass ninj-" "There was no one left, was there?" "Everyone already had partners, I'm sorry."), and he knew this was going to just go to all hell. Something told him that there was a nasty surprise in store for him.

Lev was communications, he was stationed in the room with Kenma. Because it would be too hard for Kenma to continuously cross-reference building blueprints and safe locations while trying to pass information to the team and position them, so Lev was there to help out. Unfortunately, for Lev at least, Kenma was salty and preferred to work alone. Poor Lev, Kei had absolutely no sympathy, because if he was bothering Kenma. he wasn't bothering Kei.

Iwaizumi and Hinata were another pair. Honestly, as long as Kei wasn't paired with the excitable orange haired safe cracker, he didn't care. Hajime was going to deliver some intercepted goods, with Hinata (being as how he was so small) in one of the many boxes, where he'd unfold behind the bank counters and let in Kei and Tsutomu from the back. Where they'd be waiting.

Oikawa and Akaashi (who were disguised as bank tellers) would be the one to escort them back, meanwhile finding information on where guards were posted and their rotations. Suga and Diachi were positioned in the parking spot closest to the door with a large van (ready to go when Kenma gave the signal).

And Kuuro and Kageyama were... "Wait, where's Tobio-chan?"

Hinata frowned, his nose scrunched up. "I texted him 300 times and he's not answering."

"Maybe he died?" The looks Kei received made him smile and shrug, "I was worth a shot." Honestly, the guy was a genius hacker, and he'd be great to help rewire the cameras. However, Kei didn't care all too much.

The rest just shook their heads at the drone pilot and Kuuro shrugged helplessly, "I guess I'm on my own then." He ran a hand through his hair melodramatically, "I guess I'll have to rewire all the cameras all by my lonesome." He smiled at Kei, but the other turned away with a chosen finger raised at the unspoken question.

Tsukishima laughed, "As if that's a bad thing."

Bokuto chose that particular moment to pull up in the delivery truck. "Alright, you bunch of thieves, shut the fuck up! Hinata, get in the box! Iwaizumi, let's go get this shit started! As for me! HOHOHOHO! I'm gonna make this the best damn delivery any of you have ever seen in your life~!"

"Hohoho, Bokuto Bro, you goddamn disaster yo. Get movin!"

Oikawa humphed, straightening his suit and walking out the door with Akaashi, getting into a nice sedan. "Later bitches." He called, revving the engine and speeding off.

Kuuro grinned, "I'm gonna make his life hell after this."

* * *

And that was how Kei found himself vaping behind a bank waiting on Hinata's incompetent ass to hurry up and open the door. Which would never happen, not that he knew that, He and Tsutomu (unbeknownst to them) would be told to abort because a security guard had recognized Oikawa and would be caught by Bokuto waving them into the delivery truck and being arrested for... many things.

In present time, Tsutomu blinked as another waft of steam drifted into the air. "You vape?"

"I heard you the first time you asked." Kei pointed out, inhaling the humid air of the alley behind the bank.

"You didn't answer though."

Kei sighed, it was a long sigh filled with suffering, "Did you ever think there might have been a reason for that?"

"Do you not like me?" The question caught Kei off guard, and he looked over to see Tsutomu staring at the concrete with his eyebrows drawn up, a frown on his lips.

"You're just annoying." Kei finally conceded, feeling bad for the banged thief, and damn his heart.

"SO YOU DO LIKE ME?" Tsutomu's eyes gained a sparkle that was entirely uncomfortable to Kei. He leaned back away from the other's fiery over-exuberance.

"Ye...s?"

"YOSH!" Tsutomu smiled widely, and Kei (although he suspected that maybe Tsutomu had the wrong idea) couldn't bring himself to correct him. Only because a sullen Tsutomu was way more annoying that a ridiculously happy Tsutomu. At least, that is what he told himself.

* * *

After everything was said and done, and after they had been caught by Ushijima and Tendo (The security guards who had recognized Oikawa, they all came to find out. ) and all sat in a cell together. The two guards were filing their reports and Oikawa was sulking while Hinata was jumping around.

Suga sighed, "All that work just to be ruined by Oikawa's love interest." ("HE'S NOT MY LOVE INTEREST! I HATE HIM!) "At least, Kenma and Lev haven't been found out."

"That's only because Lev forgot the communicators." Daichi grumbled, the rest agreed, and then spotted Tsutomu and Kei.

The others looked to the two sitting semi-quietly and then looked at each other, and then back at the duo.

Daichi huffed, "How did your part go?"

Tsutomu blinked, "Oh! Me and Kei decided to go out! And then we were caught with Bokuto!"

"Haaaah?" Unfortunately, Tsukishima's confusion went unnoticed amongst the rambunctious congratulations they received.

Kei prayed for his sanity.


End file.
